The Garderobe of Death

The new mystery of the Garderobe of Death is most intriguing. It does not so much unravel as tie itself in knots.

There is certainly a dead body. Most decidedly dead. The amount of detail I have deciphered concerning the actual death is far more than I either sought or require, much of it of a most distasteful nature. Still, it is the duty of the scholar to pass on the facts and I will leave it to the reader to decide when to close their eyes.

The body seems to be surrounded by a variety of goings on. I have not completed comprehensive research but am confident on first sight that most of them are sinful.

There is also a variety of individuals involved. I am absolutely positive that they are all sinful.

Hermitage and Wat are the exceptions of course and they continue to plough their unique furrows. I am troubled that Hermitage really seems to have got himself into water far deeper than his swimming ability, (which I have not definitively confirmed through evidential analysis but which I summise to be non-existent). He has got himself mixed up with a most alarming band and I genuinely fear for his safety.

Wat the Weaver's reputation preceeds him and his very individual tapestries seem widely known. I have still not managed to unearth an original Wat, but from my reading of the texts I am coming to the firm conclusion his subject matter is inappropriately intimate. Whether this will stand him in good stead with the new Norman overlords we wait to discover. It could be that they are high minded people who will be shocked at Wat's images and will deal with him accordingly. From what I have seen so far I think this unlikely and suspect instead that his prices will go up.

To date it seems that Wat and Hermitage have begun their investigation of this death with stumbling bewilderment. Master Wat, usually so at home with the more distasteful aspects of human nature and its most adept practitioners, is taken aback by the unique qualities of the Normans. The Saxons are no better.

I must return to the tale so that I can get it into a suitable form for re-telling around the fireside. - as long as the fireside exlcudes small children and those of a nervous disposition.

Howard
Warwick, England
Monday

Brother Hermitage

I have been hard at work in my scriptorium illustrating a marvellous letter G. One month gone and only four or five to go I think. I must crush some more butterflies as I'm running out of red.

It is hard to believe a month has flown since last I commented on the life of Brother Hermitage. In my moments of relaxation, generally between three and four in the morning, I have been reviewing the exploits of the young monk.

The second volume of his life will certainly be titled the Garderobe of Death as that remarkable domestic device seems to be key. From the dates I have deciphered these latest events take place some months after the invasion of 1066.

To date I have one confirmed death and that is of a Norman noble. This would appear to be very dangerous territory for one such as Brother Hermitage but he appears to have no choice.

Wat, weaver of pornographic tapestry remains in attendance and this gives me some confidence that Hermitage won't simply walk to his own death.

There can be little doubt the Norman has been murdered, given the remarkably personal nature of his injuries, nor any doubt that Hermitage has been instructed to investigate. From the first tome of his exploits it is clear that this is most likely beyond his abilities so I can only hope for the best.

The local Norman Lord appears to be largely insane. A Saxon maiden is involved who is no better and the castle in which events are unfolding seems to be on the constant verge of collapse.

It is all very worrying and prompts me to continue my researches at pace. Once the 'G' is complete I have a lower case 'a' to retouch and then I shall crack on.

Howard
Warwick, England, Tuesday

The Discovery of Brother Hermitage

Long lost and forgotten manuscripts, telling tales of a lost and forgotten monk have recently come to light. As these are painstakingly assembled and translated they tell a remarkable tale.

I have named the first complete work 'The Heretics of De'ath' and have spent many months in my scriptorium preparing it for the Kindle portable lecturn: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Heretics-Chronicles-Brother-Hermitage-ebook/dp/B004AYDBVM/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1309337005&sr=1-1

The literature of modern times seems to insist that every medieval monk or nun was an effective investigator of crime. This crime was almost always murder and was comitted with worrying regularity. Given the population of medieval England it is remarkable that any one was left alive by 1300.

I am most fortunate to have uncovered these "Chronicles of Brother Hermitage" as I shall call them. They are the primary source for this particular monk who too was an investigator, but perhaps a more human one in that he was not very good.

From the material to date I conclude that Brother Hermitage was fortunate even to survive his first case. It is only the support of a worldly weaver of tapestry, Wat by name, which kept the young monk alive.

This tapestrier is remarkable in his own right and I would be interested to discover if any of his unique products survive. Given the fundamentally obscene subject matter it seems unlikely anyone would confess to owning one.

I am compiling a further set of manuscripts into a second tale, provisionally titled The Garderobe of Death. At the moment this does not appear to show Hermitage improving in any way. There is also a number of shorter stories which do nothing to enhance the monk's reputation.

It takes considerable time to decipher the combination of medieval English slang and very poor Latin in which the manuscripts are written but they put medieval England in a whole new light. I shall leave it for the reader to decide whether the light should be quietly switched off.

Your Chronicler

Howard of Warwick.